


Whump Bingo

by Rangergirl3



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rangergirl3/pseuds/Rangergirl3
Summary: *imitates Mushu from 'Mulan' - "I liiiiiiive!"*But seriously, thanks for sending these to me back in March. I'm really glad I've finally been able to post these. :-)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First prompt:
> 
> familyofpaladins asked:
> 
> OOOOHH OOOOHH For the whump bingo thing can I get "touching clothing and their hands come away bloody" ? (with Keith and maybe pidge??) <3 Thanks!!! :D

“Katie - Katie, come on, stay with me, okay?”

Pidge knew that she knew that voice…but it was hard to pin down from where…

_…Garrison…?_

_…no…that wasn’t right…_

“-atie, come on, you can’t give up on me now, please - ”

… _Lions_ …

_The voice was…from…_

_Voltron._

Blurred memories swam back into her mind.

_Keith._

_That was…Keith…_

He was shaking her shoulder, saying her name, almost shouting.

She found her voice again.

“… _ow_ …”

There was an exclamation, and then someone was hugging her.

For another blurry moment she thought it was Matt, but no, it was only her and Keith in the cell.

He was talking again.

“-atie, oh god, I thought - you know what, never mind - can - can you open your eyes?”

That thought made her feel sick. She shook her head, and that made her feel sick too.

_Stars, what was wrong with her?_

Keith was talking again, as if he’d guessed what she was thinking.

“Look, they - injected you with something - I thought it was just a knock-out drug - but - ”

She remembered.

Lance had been the first one to react to the drug. Of the four of them, he had the fastest metabolism, so it hit him first.

He’d gone pale, started sweating, and then - he’d -

She winced, remembering how awful his screams had been, as if someone were raking poisoned claws across his eyes.

Hunk hadn’t been far behind. He’d started throwing up right around the time she’d blacked out.

… _wait_ …

“…why aren’t…you sick…?” She asked, and beside her, Keith took a second to reply.

“I’m part-Galra, remember?” He said, keeping his voice low. “I probably have some immunity to…whatever this is.”

Pidge thought that was a fair point.

Keith went on, seeming intent on keeping her distracted from the pain she was in.

“ - uh - we’re back in the cell - and I think Lance and Hunk are - either sleeping - or unconscious - but they’re breathing - and I think they don’t have fevers anymore - so - that’s good - I think - but Katie, how are you?”

“…fine…” She croaked, and from beside her she heard a disbelieving snort.

“ _No_ , you’re _not_ , Pidge - seriously - what hurts, and how bad?”

“Um…head…is worst….and…uh…I’m sore….all over. Can’t really move much.”

A hand felt her forehead, brisk, but not unkind.  

“You still feel hot. Your fever isn’t down yet.”

She managed a snort of what might have been laughter.

“So you’re a doctor now?”

Keith grumbled something about being a _Paladin_ , not a medical expert, and Pidge would have smiled at him if she’d been able to open her eyes.

“Classic.”

“I know, right?”

She nodded, then shivered.

Keith cursed again, turned away from her, and shouted something down the corridor.

It was hard to hear.

She just felt so cold.

“…Keith…?” She asked, but her head was spinning again, and she didn’t want to talk anymore, because her head hurt and her throat was closing up and she just wanted to crawl into her bed, pull the covers up over her head, and wake up hours later to the familiar sounds of her mom baking something downstairs in the kitchen, with her dad typing away at his computer in the study, and her brother clomping up the stairs.

She wanted to be _home_.

She felt hot tears trickle down her face, but it hurt too much to wipe them away.

Then someone was putting a jacket over her shoulders, and she growled, trying to bat whoever it was aside.

A snort, an annoyed one.

“ _Dammit_ , Katie, I’m trying to be helpful here.”

“’S your jacket, Keith, keep it.”

“I’m not the one with chills.”

“…you will be…in a minute…” Pidge growled again, but it was true that she was beginning to shake uncontrollably again.

But she was a Paladin of Voltron, dammit, and she could get through this without taking Keith’s jacket away from him.

Keith had apparently seen she wasn’t going to budge on this. He sighed.

“Look, Pidge, what if - what if I just - I don’t know - uh - sat next to you?”

She managed to slit an eye open to glance at him inquisitively.

“…huh…?”

He was kneeling across from her, like he was attempting to give her as much space as she wanted while still being within easy reach if she needed help.

He glowered back at her.

“Look - I don’t - ”

He broke off, began again.

“I don’t want to force you to do anything. But you’re cold. And if you won’t take my jacket…can I at least sit by you so we can…share it?”

She had to close her eyes again, because stars above, her head was pounding like a Greek goddess of knowledge wanted out of her skull.

_…sharing…would be okay…_

“…y-yeah…f-fine…”

Keith sounded relieved.

“Okay then.”

A few minutes later, he was sitting next to her, the jacket wrapped around them both.

Katie clenched her jaw and tried to stay sitting upright, but eventually, she overbalanced and would have fallen to one side if Keith hadn’t steadied her with one arm.

“Nice - catch - uh -“

“Don’t mention it. Look, I think - I think you should lie down - ”

It hurt too much to argue.

“…f…f…ine…”

She did, and when, a few moments later, Keith laid the jacket over her shoulders, she thought about arguing with him. For about a full minute. _That’s_ how annoyed she was with him.

He was talking again.

“You can hate me later, Pidge. Just - uh - think of all the ways you can pound me into dust during the next training round, okay? Or - or maybe you could get Rover 2 to - uh - follow me and sing ‘It’s a Small World After All’ -”

She’d already curled into a ball, so she could get as much of herself as possible under the jacket, and she pulled a little at the collar so it could block cover her eyes and blot out the pulsing purple light of the cell from above their heads.

“-or - uh - whatever helps you feel better - I mean - ”

Keith was still talking, but not as loudly as before. Small talk really wasn’t his strong point, but she appreciated the effort, even if it was sort of rambling now.

“-doesn’t really matter - it’s not like listening to a song - over and over - is - the worst thing - ever-”

Her left hand felt sticky all of a sudden. She made a silent ‘yegh’ face and tried to wipe off whatever it was on her shirt, but it was trickier than she’d expected. The liquid looked purple in this light.

_Purple space fluid - or gum - ick, ick, ick - wait -_

She brought her fingers closer to her face, squinting to see it more clearly.

_The liquid wasn’t purple. It was -_

Keith was still talking, but not as loudly as before.

“-I mean - uh - ”

_It was **red**._

Faster than she would have believed possible, Pidge was sitting upright once more, Keith’s jacket in her hand. She felt even sicker than before, and this time, it wasn’t just from the fever.

“Keith!” she hissed, or rather, tried to. It sounded more like a fierce whisper than a fearsome growl.

He looked back at her. “…um…yeah…?”

She pointed to the red bloodstain on the jacket. Her eyes burned with fever, and something else. Worry.

“You didn’t tell me you got _hurt_ , you _idiot_!”

He blinked back at her.

“…um…’m…sorry…?” he asked, clearly uncertain of how to respond. The ’s’ was slightly slurred.

_Blood loss._

_Shit._

Pidge nearly scowled at him again, but managed to keep her voice as low as she answered.

“No, Keith, no, that’s not what I - argh - okay - okay - here - hold this - I need to check your shoulder - ”

She reached a hand out towards him, but he didn’t move or make any motion to take the jacket back from her. He just sat across from her, his skin paler than usual, his eyes cloudy.

“But you’re cold,” he said, like she’d forgotten something important. “You should - keep warm - Katie - ”

Pidge wanted to pull her hair out in frustration.

“Okay, okay, _fine_ ,” she amended. “Look, look, I’m wearing the jacket, okay?”

She pulled it over her head like a cloak and then stretched out a hand. “Now - Keith - I need to check your shoulder - okay?”

Keith hesitated before answering.

“…Pidge…you need rest…you’re sick…”

She growled.

“And you’re hurt. So let me help you, okay?”

He nodded.

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cocopops asked: Ooh! Moving in a way that causes them pain and then tense up for Shiro or Keith...

It hurt to move, but Keith didn’t want Pidge to know that. 

She would feel responsible, or _think_ that she should, and he didn’t want her to feel that way.

He’d been the one to take the hit, and anyway, he’d survived worse, so he’d be _fine_.

Anyway, it wasn’t _her_ fault that his default factory setting was to consider himself a completely acceptable loss during battle.

Also, he _really_ didn’t want her to kick his ass out of annoyance for playing the hero, because - that would just be _embarrassing -_ andother Blades would never let him hear the end of it if she -

But someone was hailing him over the comms. He stared at the blinking green light for about ten seconds before deciding it would be better to take the call. He managed to activate his comms just in time to hear Pidge demanding him to respond. Thanks to the hit he’d taken, his ship’s visual readouts were offline, so all he could do was open a radio channel.

“Um - yeah?”

“-what the _fuck_ was _that_ , Kogane - ”

He winced at the static over the line. 

_Damn concussion._

“-um…teamwork…?”

Her response was confusing, mostly because it was swear words interspersed with concerned questions/orders to land _right fucking now_.

“- ‘ll meet you at sickbay - and so help me _God_ if you say you’re _fine_ I will kick your Blade of Marmora ass up _between_ your _ears_ , you -”

Lance’s voice cut in.

“I think what she’s _trying_ to say is that you scared us all shitless with that move. It’s just a guess, though.”

Keith laughed, but it hurt too much to do it for long.

Something in the controls sparked and whirred, and smoke began to rise from the control panel.

“Aw, hell,” he said as alarms began to blare throughout the cockpit.

He did manage to land his ship in the dock nearest the sick bay - if the phrase ‘kinda crashed/more like gravity took over’ worked as a approximate definition of the word ‘land his ship’.

Someone over the comms was telling him to just stay calm, that they would be there in a few tics to help him, but he wanted to get _out_ of the confined space. 

His leg hurt, and his back, and his side. He managed to kick his way out of the pod just in time to tumble from the pilot’s seat and avoid the worst of the flames from the destroyed control panel.

Somehow, he ended up on his side, staring at the smoking remains of the tiny Galra gun-ship he’d stolen.

He knew he should keep moving, try to get away from the worst of the fire, but he was tired, and he didn’t want to move. 

Somewhere in the distance, he heard the others racing towards him, and that, more than anything else, spurred him on to try again to get further away from the flames.

He managed to get onto his hands and knees, but a wave of pain slammed against him, and he felt his muscles tense up against it.

 _No,_ he thought. _No, damn it, move, I’ve got to move -_

But then someone - no, more than one person - was dragging him away from the fire, and he realized it was his team when Pidge began using even more swear words.

He thought about making a Captain America ‘language’ reference, but he was just too tired. 

The last thing he saw before darkness claimed him was Allura telling him that Pidge was going to kick his ass on the training deck for ‘that stunt he’d pulled’.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haleykim84 asked: Ooh! Oooh! For the whump bingo, if it hasn't been asked yet: Keith & trying to command/communicate even though he can only speak a few words at a time. Thanks! :D

Looking back, Pidge should have known Keith would be the one to sense the incoming debris.

One moment, she was helping the Olkari with constructing their defensive shield network like normal.

The next, there were shouts and a few startled screams, her name among them.

She’d been so focused on the coding, it had taken her a few precious seconds to realize something was wrong, and by then - well. All she had time for was the realization that she was about to be squished like a _bug_ , because Green was back at the Castle, _way_ too far away to help her in time.

The weird thing was that, in those last few seconds, Pidge didn’t even feel scared, just _annoyed_ at how this was unexpected event was _totally_ going to screw up her calculations - and she’d _just_ gotten that complex algorithm to match up with the city’s biorhythms.

 _Damn_.

Someone was running towards her.

 _Matt_?

She began to move, but that someone was already beside her, grabbing her unceremoniously by the collar of her shirt and under one of her arms, not even slowing down as he kept running towards safety.

_But it wasn’t Matt - or if it was, he wasn’t wearing that cloak he’d been wearing when she’d seen him just a few dobashes ago -_

Finally, Pidge found her voice, and she squeaked in startled surprise just as a deafening crash sounded from where she’d been standing just two tics earlier. The impact was so immense, the ground shook beneath them, and the running figure stumbled mid-step.

If he’d been on his own, he might not have lost his balance.

As it was, he did, but even as the ground rose to meet them both, Pidge found herself catapulted unceremoniously forwards, further out of harms way even as more debris fell.

Then noise, dust, and chaos were all around her, so she simply tried to make herself as small as possible and tried her best to protect her head. The noise was so loud, she thought she’d never hear anything else again.

The danger was quickly over, and when the dust settled, she sat up, coughing, just in time to see Matt racing towards her. Her older brother pelted forwards as fast as he could, dodging between Olkarians and rubble with astonishing speed.

“KATIE!”

Pidge tried to answer, but inhaled some dust, and could only cough instead.

“-what-”

Then Matt was there, checking her eyes, asking her if she was okay, but when he saw her coughing, he took out a canteen of water and held it out to her.

She gulped down some water and managed to croak out ‘’m fine - I think - just-”

She coughed again, gulped down some more water, then saw the worry in his expression.

“-are you sure - Katie - that was - I - I thought -”

Matt broke off, and then his arms were around her, and she was hugging him back.

He began talking again, but she almost didn’t hear him.

_There was something important - something she had to remember -_

“I thought you didn’t - that m-maybe -”

“ _Shit_!”

Even as she said it, Pidge leapt to her feet, nearly knocking her brother over.

“Katie - what - what are you -”

Pidge was already turning back towards the heap of rubble.

“Matt - if - if - you’re here - then who threw me clear of the - ”

She tried to take a step forwards, but she’d gotten up too fast. The ground swayed in front of her eyes, and for an awful, queasy second she thought the earth was moving again.

She swayed, but her brother caught her and kept an arm around her, trying to help her sit down again.

“Pidge, listen, I’lll go look, okay? You stay here - all right?”

She scowled back up at him, feeling angry because she was scared and scared because she was confused. The full situation was only just catching up to her.

“I’m coming too!” she spat, but to her fury, her legs wouldn’t obey her.

So Matt helped her sit down again, and once she was comfortably leaning against a nearby tree, he got back to his feet.

Someone else was there by her other side, someone familiar.

_Coran. It was Coran._

Matt stood up again.

“Pidge,” he said, and more than ever, she thought he sounded like a rebel captain, “Pidge, listen, I’ll be right back. I’ve got to see if anyone else needs help, okay?”

Then he was gone, and Coran was telling her that he was very glad she hadn’t been squished like a griknisijalic. She must have given him a confused look because then he went on to explain that it was a distant and far less formidable cousin of the weblum, and for awhile, she just listened to him talk because it was familiar, and comforting, and it helped distract her from the realization that she had almost _died_.

Not even from a Galra attack.

Just from an accident.

A stupid, random accident.

Then she heard Matt’s voice, calling for Coran. Coran reassured her that it would all be just fine before he hurried away - _why was everyone always telling her it was going to be **fine**?_ \- and then -

Then some of the dust cleared, and she saw who had thrown her clear of the falling debris.

It was -

_No._

_No, no, no, no._

* * *

Before Pidge knew precisely what she was doing, she was standing at her friend’s side. Coran and Matt had already shifted the rocks aside, and even now, Matt was on his communicator, requesting a medical team and -

Coran was asking her something. Pidge had trouble focusing, but she made an effort, and then sound came roaring back to her.

“-atie! Katie, should we move him?”

She looked down at Keith again. He was lying on his right side, and there was blood on his face and in his hair, but he was breathing, so maybe it would be okay to -

_Head injury. No immediate danger._

“No,” she said, and even as she said it, she remembered how to help someone with a head injury.

_Don’t move them unless you have to. Hold their head with both your hands, in the position you found them in, and wait for medical help to arrive._

She wanted to help, she did, but she was frozen into place.

_Frozen._

“Ice,” she said. “We need - we could use some ice - to keep the swelling down -”

Coran looked towards Matt.

“Med team’s on the way,” he said. “They’ll have the supplies we need.”

He exchanged looks with Coran.

“You go look for others,” Coran said. “I’ll stay here with Pidge and -”

Then Pidge saw that Keith’s eyes were still open and - and he was looking back up at her.

“…Pidge…?”

* * *

Keith wasn’t entirely certain how Pidge did it, but it felt like he woke up, blinked, and immediately after that, two small hands were cradling his face.

_He was lying on his back._

_When had that happened?_

_What was he doing **outside**?_

“Keith! Keith, I’m here - can you talk? Are you okay?”

He thought about answering, but he didn’t want to.

His head hurt.

Frowning, he tried to trace what had happened.

_Landed his ship. Saw Pidge was in danger. Running. Then…then… No. The memory remained out of reach._

Then he realized Pidge was still asking him if he was okay.

“… _no_ …” he said, and then, when she asked where it hurt the worst, he had to think about it for a few moments.

_…he hurt…everywhere…but…_

“Keith!”

He winced at the noise, opened his eyes.

_When had he closed them?_

As her face swam into focus again, he saw that she looked even more worried.

“Keith, please, stay awake, okay? Where does it hurt the worst? Can you tell us? You don’t have to say much, okay, just - just one word, to start with, okay?”

He didn’t want to talk. It hurt to talk, but Pidge was worried.

The pain was getting worse, and Keith hated admitting it when the pain got worse. He’d never been good about knowing what was just normal pain and what was -oh- _god_ -why-aren’t-you-in-a- _hospital_ -pain, because…

_Because he’d never wanted to ask for help, because he was **fine** on his own -_

Anger welled up inside him.

_What was this?_

_He shouldn’t need to say anything._

_He’d be fine, he’d just go to sleep and then…_

“Keith, please!”

_…but Pidge was asking him to stay awake…and…Pidge…was his friend…so maybe…he…could tell her…_

He concentrated, and then said, with an effort, “…head…”

Another face swam into the corner of his vision. Orange hair, markings.

“It’s all right, Number 4, we’ll have you back in tip-top condition in no time -”

Keith frowned in confusion again. It was getting more and more difficult to keep his mind focused.

_He knew this person, he was sure he did. But then why couldn’t he remember the name that went along with the face?_

Pidge’s voice, anxious. 

“Coran, he’s - ”

_Coran?_

_There wasn’t anyone at Garrison named that…_

_Where was he?_

He tried to sit up, but he wasn’t able to.

“…Pidge…where…”

Pidge’s eyes were growing wider behind her glasses.

“Keith, it’s okay, uh - we’re getting you help, so just - uh - stay awake, okay? It’s going to be fine - ”

But Keith didn’t _want_ to stay awake. The light was too bright. He felt sick, and dizzy, and his eyes hurt.

But now the man with the orange hair was asking him to stay awake too.

* * *

Keith closed his eyes again and tried to turn his face away, because his head hurt and the pain was only growing worse, but he didn’t want to say so, because if he didn’t want this stranger to think he was _whining_ -

“Nothing to worry about, just a few vargas in the healing pods and you’ll be back to your old self-”

Keith opened one eye at that and glared back up at the stranger.

_Was this guy **stupid** or something?_

Pidge hadn’t moved her hands away from his face, and now she was humming, and it sounded nice, but Keith wished she could block out the glaring light, because it hurt, but he wasn’t going to say anything, because if he did, she’d think he was weak, that he complained about…about everything…

He felt tired and restless, all at the same time. He wanted to get up, to move, but - his muscles weren’t listening to him.

Someone was holding his hand, saying his name again.

“Keith, you saved Pidge. She’s safe, and now we’re trying to help you.”

The humming didn’t stop.

Keith felt the annoyance begin to fade away as the voice continued.

“I know it’s frustrating, not being able to rest yet, but you’re doing really well. We just want to help you, okay?”

Keith felt sort of bad now for glaring at - for glaring at -

_Coran._

_He’d glared at Coran._

Keith felt ashamed, because Coran was just trying to help.

He managed to tighten his grip on Coran’s hand.

“…s-sorry…” he slurred, but Coran told him it was fine, Keith hadn’t done anything wrong.

Pidge spoke up then.

“Keith, you have a head injury, so I’m going to stay right here, okay? We’re going to keep you still, and we’ll get a stretcher too - Matt’s on his way right now -”

But Keith’s vision was blurry, so he tried closing his eyes again, but then Pidge sounded worried -

“Keith - oh shit - um - look - Keith - please - we need you to stay awake, okay?”

But he didn’t want to stay awake - his head hurt and he just wanted to rest - but Pidge was asking him to look at her, and she sounded scared - and he didn’t like it when she was scared, because Pidge didn’t scare easily - she usually just got even more determined to take down whatever obstacles were in her way - so if she was scared now - that meant something was -

_Something was - wrong - but she was okay, he knew that, and Coran was too, so if they were okay, nothing was wrong -_

It was so hard to think. Everything just kept fragmenting into pieces.

But for once, Pidge wasn’t shouting at him for being an idiot.

Though that might have been because she was crying.

* * *

That, more than anything else, brought Keith back to semi-consciousness.

_Katie didn’t cry._

She got mad, or determined, or just plain pissed off - but - now -

His head still hurt, but now he was angry, and that always gave him energy - even if only for a brief time.

_Who had made her cry?_

Katie was strong, and smart, and funny - and whoever had mad her cry was going to get their ass kicked - he’d do it, or Matt would, or any of the other Paladins - because Pidge was their friend, and she didn’t cry unless - unless -

_Gods, his head hurt._

Pidge - no, Katie - no, she liked the name Pidge - didn’t she? - shit - what kind of friend was he - forgetting her name -

But she was telling him that there wasn’t anything to worry about, because she was his friend too, and she was getting him help, so that his head wouldn’t hurt anymore.

Someone else was nearby, but Keith didn’t remember their name anymore, but he tried anyway, because he knew what it was like, to be around people who didn’t bother remembering his name.

“It - it started…with a ‘c’, right…?…I know…it did…”

Pidge/Katie said ‘yes, yes, but don’t worry about it, Coran knows you’re not feeling too good and he’s your friend too, he understands and he just wants to help you feel better, so don’t feel bad about it, okay?-’

Keith thought she was just trying to be nice then, because he’d never had more than one friend before…

_Back at Garrison, Shiro had told him it was okay to have more than one friend, but Keith wasn’t sure if anyone else would want to be friends with him._

_He was clumsy when it came to talking - and people like McClain - they were the ones with friends - because they could - talk and talk and talk about anything - but - Keith didn’t know what to talk about - most of the time -_

Katie/Pidge said that was okay, because other than science, she didn’t know what to talk about with people, so maybe she and Keith could just - read or something when he was feeling better - how did that sound - just hanging out together, two introvert friends being introverts together -

That made Keith smile. There’d been - a saying - he’d thought - was funny - what was it -

“-uh - Introverts - um - introverts - ”

Pidge sounded like she was trying to understand.

“Yeah?”

“-um - unite - uh - um - separately -”

Her voice brightened.

“Oh! Introverts unite - separately - in the comfort of your own homes!”

He managed a laugh. “…yeah…like that…"

* * *

 

Finally, the medical team arrived and took him back to the Castle.

Katie was with him the entire time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calypsopond asked: Needing to pause and close their eyes because they’re lightheaded w Shiro?

The mission hadn’t gone according to plan.

But then, what else was new?

The last thing Pidge heard before her comms shorted out was Shiro, calling her name.

* * *

 

Samuel Holt ran towards the shuttles, telling himself that Katie was fine, she might be injured, but it would be fine, the Altean healing pods could work miracles of science, and she would be fine, that was all that mattered, she would be fine.

Matt was already at the shuttle’s landing bay, his face drawn and pale with worry.

“Dad - Dad, listen, she’ll be fine - Coran has a pod waiting - but - ”

The rest of Matt’s words were drowned out as the shuttle’s door hissed open.

Sam wanted to call for Katie, to get her out of the shuttle and into a healing pod as quickly as possible, but with an effort, he held himself back, so that the people inside the shuttles could exit faster.

_They know what they’re doing. It’ll be fine. Matt and I are here._

_She’ll be fine._

_She’ll be fine._

_She’ll be -_

Then someone stepped out of the shuttle, holding -

“ _Katie_!”

Sam and Matt both rushed forwards simultaneously.

The figure holding Katie’s blood-spattered form just stood there, not moving.

* * *

For a second, Sam couldn’t understand why Shiro wasn’t moving, why he wasn’t he getting Katie to a healing pod.

_Why was he just standing there, she needs help now, she’s **bleeding** -_

Shiro said something, but it was almost too quiet for even Sam to hear.

“What? What is it - is she -”

Shiro looked up at both of them then, and it was only then that Sam saw how pale the young man was.

“-’s not - as bad - as it looks,” he said again. “It’s just - just her arm - it’s - broken - I think -“

By then, both Sam and Matt had reached Katie, and to Sam’s relief, he saw no signs of shrapnel, or shattered armor, or -

But even as Sam let out a sigh of relief, Matt seemed to realize something, because he took Pidge from Shiro’s arms, turned around, and began hurrying towards the healing pods.

“Dad, help Shiro!” he shouted over his shoulder.

Sam had already turned and begun following Matt. He stopped, confused.

“W-what?”

Matt didn’t slow down, but he replied just before vanishing into the corridor.

“Just do it!”

* * *

Sam let out a frustrated sound and turned back towards Shiro, who was still standing where Matt had left him. His arms had fallen to his sides, and he seemed very tired. All the same, Sam wasn’t sure why Matt had told him that Shiro needed help - but all the same, he wasn’t just going to leave him standing here.

He took a hesitant step forwards. At the sound, Shiro head jerked upright, and he stared back at Sam, seemingly confused.

“I - ” he said, but then he stopped. His eyes closed for a second. He seemed to be trying to concentrate on keeping his balance.

Sam was impatient. “-Come on, Shiro, let’s get to the healing pods - I’m sure you’ll need patching up too-”

Shiro shook his head, staying where he was, to one side of the shuttle’s doors. More injured people were being carried out, more injured soldiers, needing aid.

“ ‘m fine,” he said. “ ’s not - ”

Sam ground his teeth. He wanted to be half-way to the Infirmary right now, instead of -

Shiro seemed to notice. He made another effort to speak, managed it this time.

“Sir, she - ”

“I know, I know,” Sam said. “Broken arm - compound fracture, from the look of all that blood -”

Shiro shook his head. “ - ’s not hers,” he said.

Sam gazed back at him, confused.

“What?”

“The blood, sir,” Shiro said. “Don’t worry. It’s - ”

Sam wanted to shout in frustration, but Shiro’s next words puzzled him enough to take him off-guard.

“ - it’s not hers.”

Same stared back at him in growing realization.

“But then - ”

Shiro closed his eyes, opened them again. He seemed about to fall.

“’s just mine.” he said. “I knew - that you’d worry - but it’s okay. She’ll be fine.”

_She’ll be fine._

Sam reached out and caught hold of Shiro’s arm just as the young man began to fall.

* * *

Shiro’s eyes were already half-closed, and Sam realized the young man was even paler than he remembered.

_Blood loss._

“Can you walk?” Sam asked, and he had to ask it again before Shiro answered.

“…not sure…” he said, but he tried to, all the same.

“Here,” Sam said. “I can help - we should get you to the Infirmary too-”

But Shiro was shaking his head.

“I’m fine,” he said. “We should - just wait - let the others go first - ”

Sam felt a sudden desire to learn how to _teleport_ , so that he could get to the Infirmary _faster_ to find out if Katie was already healed or not.

Shiro saw his expression.

“Here-” Shiro said as he took off his helmet and held it out to Sam. “We can - talk to Coran - on this,” he said. “We can see - how she’s - ”

Even as Sam reached out to take the comms unit, Coran’s voice crackled out from it.

“You were right, Number One - just a broken arm,” he said. He sounded like he was trying to be optimistic, but clearly, he’d been worried too. “Painful, but not too dangerous. She’ll be back up and about in less than half a quintent-”

That was all Sam needed to hear.

He let out a breath of relief, only to realize that Shiro’s balance was now truly off, and if Sam hadn’t been there to help him, he might have fallen over.

But Shiro didn’t seem to notice. His grip on the comms unit went even tighter.

“You’re _sure_?” he asked. Sam heard the tension in the Black Paladin’s voice. “She’s - she’s okay?”

“Resting comfortably in a pod,” Coran confirmed. “Which you should be too, come to think of it - one of your squad members just told me that you -”

Shiro made a frustrated sound. “That sniper should _never_ have gotten the shot off - when she fell, her arm -”

He swallowed. “Coran, she got hurt because - because I messed up -  because I didn’t - I didn’t -”

Sam heard snippets of voices before Matt’s voice boomed out over the comms.

“You shoved her out of the way, Shiro - and now you’re both back safe - so just _get your ass_ _up to sickbay_ , or -“

Static snapped and fizzed over the line, and Shiro winced and pulled his ear away from the comms unit. He was even paler than he had been the moment before, and Sam saw that he was holding his ribs as if they pained him.

Sam decided it was high time to get Shiro to the infirmary. He started helping Shiro make his way towards the corridor, taking the helmet from Shiro as he did so.

Matt was still talking, something about Shiro needing to get his head examined and -

Shiro shot a glare back at the comms unit. Clearly, he wasn’t his usual taciturn self.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he spat again, and because of all the noise coming from the comms, Sam wasn’t sure what Shiro was talking about, but then -

“-if she finds out you died because of blood loss you incurred on her behalf, she will kick _all_ our asses, so - ”

“There wasn’t time for - for both of us to get to cover -” Shiro spat, and it was only then that Sam realized that if it hadn’t been for Shiro, Katie might have -

_She might have -_

Coran’s voice was the loudest one now.

“Be careful, Number One - you have to conserve your energy,” he said. “From the looks of it, you’re already lost a lot of blood, and -”

Shiro snarled at the comms then, his usual attempt at remaining controlled and emotionally balanced snapping like a tightly-strung cord.

“ _I don’t **care** about that!_ ” he roared, and just for a second, Samuel Holt saw what Pidge’s safety meant to Shiro.

Shiro went on, his words harsh and angry, slicing into the sudden silence like razor-blades.

“She’s back _safe_ , and that’s what _matters_ , so stop - yelling - about - about something that doesn’t even - scare me - anymore -”

By then, they’d reached the end of the first corridor, and the comms had still not buzzed once in answer. Shiro was struggling to keep speaking, but now he wouldn’t look back up at Sam.

“It’s just - it’s stupid - to yell -” he said, and Sam thought that Shiro was trying (and failing) to ignore what he’d almost said out loud to his team. “- and - I just-”

Then they’d reached the door to the Infirmary, and as it hissed open, Sam saw that the rest of the team was there too.

Clearly, they were concerned about Shiro too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ladylienda asked: Hi Rangergirl3! :) For the whump bingo: can you do Keith and being afraid of or ashamed to sleep because of nightmares? You do platonic Kidge super well, so maybe she helps him out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on Tumblr, you probably know this already, but just as an fyi - I am a survivor of child abuse and CSA (also I've been in therapy this past year for complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression) all of which taken together leads to a rather intense background that lends itself easily to nightmares. 
> 
> But, nightmares are /not/ reality, and that's what this chapter is about - and, I did try to keep this chapter (specifically) focused on three good things: 1) Horrible experiences do /not/ define your worth as a person 2) It's okay to take time to heal and 3) Friendship is infinitely precious <3
> 
> That being said, this chapter was written when I was feeling a lot of feelings that are - pretty intense. I updated the rating for this work, but there are mentions/general references to past abuse - nothing graphic, but it's implied.
> 
> So please read or (don't read) this chapter with these cautions in mind because I /really/ don't want anyone to get triggered by reading this <3
> 
> Take care of yourselves. <3 <3

_Darkness._

_Pain._

_Terror._

Keith woke up with a gasp, folding in the middle as if he’d been kicked in the stomach.

_\- the monster had enjoyed inflicting pain -_

No, it’s a dream, it’s a just a dream, he told himself, but it was harder to believe now, here in the darkness -

_Darkness -_

_Pain -_

Keith curled into a ball beneath the covers, trying to breathe evenly, steadily, but failing, failing and feeling himself starting to shake and tremble.

_It hurt, it hurt, it hurt and he tried to get away, but the thing in the darkness just laughed and kept hurting him no matter how much he pleaded or cried -_

No, Keith told himself, _no_ , I made it _through_ , I made it _out_ , I’m safe, I’m _safe_ , I’m-

_But I wasn’t, I wasn’t, and it hurts, it still hurts, it hurts and I’m scared and -_

He was too hot. He sat up and threw the pillow onto the floor, but the blankets were stifling him too, so he kicked them off, but they were tangled around him, and when they hindered his movements, he panicked.

_No - no - **no** -_

As Keith felt his grip on reality begin to slip away, he flailed and kicked and punched at nothing in a blind panic and fell out of his bed, onto the ground, and the shock of the cold floor against his bare back made him gasp.

Out in the hallway, another light clicked on, and he saw the glow outside in the hall, flowing in under the door, and he had just enough time before someone gently tapped on the door to feel terror rise in him, because _someone was out there_ , someone was out there and he couldn’t get away, he couldn’t do anything but try to make himself as small of a target as possible.

“Keith?”

_That voice - that voice didn’t belong in the past, or in the nightmare, it was -_

“Keith - are you okay? I thought I heard something fall- ”

* * *

Keith opened his mouth to say that he was fine, but he felt sick, and scared, and he couldn’t manage it.

Pidge’s voice wasn’t loud, but it was concerned.

“Keith - um - I - just - I want to make sure you’re okay -”

Keith wanted to say he was fine, but - he _wasn’t_.

_He **wasn’t**. _

But Pidge was afraid for him - she was afraid, and he - he wanted to tell her it was okay - that she didn’t need to worry -

He managed to reach up and hit the intercom button even as he started breathing far too quickly. Sweat was already pouring down his face, even though he felt far too cold.

_\- Shit, shit, shit, don’t freak her out, she’ll think you’re weird and stupid and afraid of the dark -_

“ -’s fine - Pidge - I - I - ”

“Keith?”

Pidge didn’t sound mad - she sounded - worried -

_shit - shit - shit - no - get over it, Kogane - you’re fine now - don’t freak her out too -_

“ - um - I’m - I’m - ”

He tried to clear his mind, tried to relax his muscles, but this was _ingrained_ terror, _reactive_ horror, and he felt like his mind had been locked in a strongbox and now matter how often he tried to bring his focus back to now, he felt sick, and terrified, and he didn’t know what to do -

“Keith, should I get Shiro?”

_Shiro could help - but Keith didn’t want to wake Shiro up - Shiro was tired and Keith was just - afraid of the dark - but it was no big deal - he’d - been afraid before - but -_

“ - Pidge - I - ”

Now she _did_ sound scared.

“oh shit - Keith - I know what panic sounds like - please, can I come in?”

Keith felt his stomach roil, and even as he remembered it was bad to be alone if - if you were sick - and Pidge - had asked - so -

“-um - yeah-”

_He didn’t want to be alone - he felt sick - **really** sick - oh, shit -_

Even as the door slid open, he was pulling the blanket back over his head, because he needed protection against the memories, against the nightmares, but it was still _all inside_ his head, and he felt so _sick_ -

Footsteps, a voice.

“Oh, Keith, it’s okay - it’s okay - you’re safe - you’re in the Castle, it’s okay - listen, do you need me to get Shiro on the comms - I can do that, if you need me to - ”

Keith didn’t want to talk, because he didn’t want to start crying, but he managed to shake his head.

_No, Shiro was tired, Shiro needed rest, and Keith needed - he needed -_

Then he tried to say something, anything, but rational speech was one of the things that the fear took away, and -

_He needed to **get over** this, it was over and done with, it was ancient history - but - when the nightmares came -_

He still felt cold and hot, all at the same time, and even though Pidge wasn’t too close to him, Keith still felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

_Don’t be stupid, Kogane, he told himself, you’re safe, you’re safe, there’s nothing to fear here - but -_

His skin felt as if it were on fire.

He threw the blanket off him, scrabbled to put his back against the wall. Distantly, he could still hear Katie’s voice, but the fear made it difficult to understand her, because it cut him off from everything except the memories.

_-When the nightmares came, he was still afraid of the dark - he was afraid of **everything** -_

Then the memories overwhelmed him, and all Keith could do was clutch his head in his hands and curl into a ball, as tight as he could go, and hope that no one stronger than him tried to make him move, or touched him, because he couldn’t fight back like this, even noise and sight were too much for him, everything was just too much, he just wished he could disappear, forever, and never have to feel this scared and hurt and alone again.

* * *

He heard the light switch flick back on, and even as the light illuminated the room, the bile rose in his throat, and Keith threw himself away from whoever was nearby, _too close can’t breathe can’t move can’t breathe_ , opened his mouth, _I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick_ , and emptied whatever was in his stomach all over the floor _get away from me, get away from me, get away get away get away._

Someone nearby yelped, and Keith whimpered and tried to shy away from the noise, and the light, but it was everywhere, and he couldn’t hide, he couldn’t get away, he couldn’t do anything.

Then Pidge was next to him, telling him he was going to be okay, and asking what she could do.

Keith shook his head.

There wasn’t anything that could take this fear away - and he didn’t know what he wanted anymore - if he was alone, the memories would just continue to overwhelm him - but if he was around people - they would - they would think he was a -

 _Liar_.

But Pidge wasn’t saying that -

 _\- why wasn’t she saying that_ -

“Keith, it’s okay, you’re safe, I’m here - can you take some deep breaths for me - here - we’ll do it together, okay?”

Keith shook his head, because it wouldn’t help, it wouldn’t change the past.

_The poison was in him, the poison was in his blood and there was nothing he could ever do to get it out, no matter what he did, because no matter what he did the poison was there, in his mind and his bones and in his blood and -_

Katie sounded as if she were about to cry.

“Keith, please, try to breathe with me, okay? Focus on my voice, try to breathe slowly, it’ll help.”

There was movement, and then Keith felt a small hand press against his upper back. It felt pleasantly cool, and it broke through the worst of the memories long enough for him to hear her more clearly.

“It’s just me, Keith,” Pidge said. Her voice was steady, but her fingers were trembling against his skin.

_\- she was scared -_

“It’s okay. Listen to my voice, all right? It’s okay.”

_What kind of person **was** he - what sort of person - made their friends feel this **scared** -_

He ground his teeth together and kept his eyes tight shut, still trying to keep from crying.

_He’d scared **Katie** \- _

* * *

Finally, he managed to speak.

“s-s-sorry-”

She hummed before answering.

‘No, nope, _nope_ ,’ she said. “Nopeity nopeity _nooo_. Don’t you go apologizing for having a nightmare.”

That confused Keith enough where he managed to glance over at her.

“-did you - did you just -”

“Quote a movie?”

Pidge’s smile was watery, but genuine. “Yeah, I did - sorry - ‘m just - trying to - um - distract you - from the - you know - mind-numbing fear.”

Keith tried to swallow, couldn’t. His throat was too tight.

“Pixar…” he finally croaked a few seconds later. “-that was - from - a Pixar - movie - right?”

Katie nodded, looking pleased.

“Yep - but - more importantly -”

Her eyes were serious now.

“ _Please_ don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault.”

“But - but I _scared_ you,” he said. “And - that’s - that’s something I - never want to do - _ever_ -”

Pidge shook her head.

“No, Keith, _you_ didn’t scare me. I was scared _for_ you. Big difference.”

_He wanted to believe her, he did - but -_

Pidge went on.

“You’ll never scare me, Keith, all right? Please, you’ve got to believe me - you’re amazing - and uh - strong and - and - brave and -“

Keith had to look away from her then.

_…but he wasn’t brave, he was tired and afraid and broken in so many ways no one could ever put him back together, he’d been shattered into shards of glass so many times he couldn’t even  remember being whole…_

But Pidge was still talking.

“And - um - I know - I tell you - you’re an idiot - for saving me - all the time - but - the truth of it is - I don’t like seeing you get hurt - and that’s why - I - um - get mad.”

He looked back at her, and he was surprised to see her eyes were filling up.

“And I mean, I _am_ mad,” she hastily added, scrubbing her pajama sleeve across her eyes, “but - but I’m - also - glad you’re on my team - and - um - I think you’re one of the most selfless people that I’ve ever met.”

When she looked back at him, she attempted a cheerful smile.

“And _that_ , Keith Kogane, is just a _few_ of the reasons why _you_ will _never_ scare me.”

* * *

Keith tried to focus on her words, and it was then that he realized the truth.

_He hadn’t become what the monster tried to make him into._

_He hadn’t gone on to hurt people who were helpless._

_Instead, he tried - he tried to - protect them -and that meant - that he wasn’t - he wasn’t - doomed to repeat the cycle - he could choose - **who** to be - he could choose - **what** to be - and - and he’d - _

_He’d chosen - to protect - to defend - and - and to care._

_To care, despite the pain and risk._

_He wasn’t poisoned._

_The monster hadn’t changed him._

_He was - just - himself._

_That was all he was._

_That was all he needed to be._

_Himself._

_And no monster could ever take that away from him._

* * *

Keith woke up later that same morning to find the floor of his room had been cleaned up.

He was surprised to find Pidge asleep in a chair next to him. A book lay in her lap, and when he said her name, she sat bolt upright, and the book slid off her lap to land on the floor.

“Pineapple!” she half-shouted. Then she saw he was awake and bounded to her feet.

For a second, Keith thought that maybe he was having a fever-related hallucination.

“…um…did you just say ‘Pineapple’?” he asked tentatively.

Pidge glanced down at the book on the floor.

“Yeah - I guess I wanted pineapples - or something.”

Then she looked back up at him, and he saw that she was curious about how he was feeling even before she asked the question.

“Do you feel better? It’s okay if you don’t -”

Keith blinked, then realized that, yeah, he was feeling sort of better. Not great, by any standards, but better - yeah.

He nodded, swallowed, and tried to sit up, but his balance was off. He might have fallen backwards if Pidge hadn’t grabbed hold of his shoulder.

“Aw, _damn_ ,” he growled, but Pidge only sighed good-naturedly as she helped him maneuver so he was sitting on the edge of his bed.

“I _knew_ you would try that,” she said.

Keith looked back at her. They were just about eye-to-eye, now that he was sitting and she was standing.

“Try what?” he asked, already guessing the answer.

“To do everything at once,” she said. She sat down next to him, put an arm around his shoulders, and patted him reassuringly on the back, as she said, very soberly, “and I think what you need now is - pancakes.”

Keith looked down at the top of her head. “What now?”

She looked back up at him and grinned. “Remember how Hunk made some last night? _I_ know where he stashed the leftovers.”

Keith thought about it for a few seconds. “But wouldn’t he notice if we snuck some?”

Pidge shook her head. “It’s not _sneaking_ it, it’s _using_ it. Hunk said he was going to make some more today anyway - and besides, you _know_ how happy he is when he sees that people enjoy his food.”

Keith shrugged. “Okay. If - if you’re sure he won’t mind.”

Pidge leapt to her feet. “Oh, he’ll probably ask us if we want syrup or butter.”

Keith made a face. “Eugh, no thanks - raspberries for me.”

Pidge pretended to be shocked. She raised a hand to her heart. “My _god_ , Keith, _what_ are you?!”

He managed to get his feet under him as he answered. “Hungry.”

Pidge let out a snort, but it turned into a short bark of laughter when she saw he’d meant it as a joke.

“Nice,” she said, as they headed out of the room together.

“No.” he said. “Pineapple.”

As they began walking down the corridor towards the dining hall, Pidge made a face at him.

“Pancakes.”

He rolled his eyes. “ _Make_ up your _mind_ , Pidge-”

She nudged him with her elbow. He responded by yawning as if he hadn’t noticed it at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the reasons I began writing in the first place (a long time ago) was to process some of the emotions I felt, and this past month especially I had a /lot/ of emotions to process, which I decided to use here.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment (honestly they are a writer's lifeblood :-)) and check out my Tumblr: https://rangergirl3.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jpnpr asked: Hey, you're doing the wump bingo thing, right?? I would love it if you wrote to all of them, honestly, because I love whump and I love your writing, but I have to pick... Character: Keith (obviously) and prompt, I don't know... Maybe the one with leaning against something to not fall and trying to hide it? Or passing out after a helpless look on their face? You're awesome!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I got both of your specific requests for this one into this ficlet, my friend! But honestly I'm not sure. The whump just kind of...happens...:-) :-)

Pidge was crying. 

Keith didn't want her to cry.

Sure, they were in different cells, but she was his friend. 

He wanted to help, if he could. 

So he focused, really, really _focused_ , and the words became clearer.

" -upid, you're - so stupid - why did you - do that - Keith - _Keith_ \- please wake up - please -"

He managed to raise his head and look over at her, and she started scolding him, something about - always putting himself in danger - but - 

 _...God...his head hurt_... 

He reached up, touched the back of his neck, but Pidge was shaking her head frantically, telling him not to touch it, because it was bad - 

Then his fingers came away smeared with red, and he thought it would be a good idea just to stay here, on his side, leaning with his back against the wall of his cell, and not do anything too complicated, like trying to sit up, or talk too much, or anything like that...

But...Pidge had asked him a question...

_He should...answer her..._

"...'s...just...pain...Katie...'m...used...to it...so..."

Then Lance's voice, harsh but not angry, cut in, and Keith tried to look over at his other friend's cell, but everything was spinning, so all he could do was shut his eyes and try to focus on the words. 

" _Bullshit_ , Kogane, that's no reason t-"

Keith felt anger rise inside him, not anger at Lance, but at how Lance, how Pidge, how each of them wasn't listening, wasn't understanding, so he interrupted them. 

"... _no_..." He said, and dimly he thought he heard Hunk tell Lance they should let him talk, it would help him stay awake, and then Keith realized he was still talking.

He hadn't meant to do it, he just...did. 

* * *

"... _listen_...I..."

He couldn't find the words, and it was so _frustrating_ , so he tried again.

"...I...know...I can...take it...so..."

Pidge cut in, her voice cracked and high. She was crying again.

"No, Keith, that's not what I - "

He managed to open one eye to look at her, because he thought it was important that she know precisely how important this was, that she understand, that they all understood. 

"...as long...as long...as it...keeps you safe...I'll...do it..."

_His stomach hurt, his ribs, his lungs. God, it felt like there wasn't any part of him the guards hadn't kicked or bruised._

"...Keith...you shouldn't...you shouldn't need to do this - I can take it, next time, okay? Just - just stay quiet. Stay down. I can take it when they -"

Lance's voice sounded strained, sad...

 _No...no...don't be sad…it’s okay…it_ **_is_ ** _…_

Keith forced his arms to move, so that he could try and make it back up onto all fours, maybe at least to one knee before the guards came back. 

"... _no_..." He said again, and he spoke over Lance's attempted argument with all the strength remaining to him.

"...you... _won't_...because..."

As he tried to straighten his back, muscles in his side spasmed, and he fell onto the floor again, and before he could stop it, he heard himself groan in pain. 

* * *

Hunk, talking. 

"Keith, man, take it slow, you took a hell of a beating back there, okay? Just - stay down, they'll leave you alone if you stay _down_ \- "

Keith shook his head again, and he said what he was thinking before he realized he did. 

"...it's...it's...what...I can...do...so..."

Pidge was still crying. 

"Why you, Keith, why can't one of us just - "

He looked back at her and tried to smile. It came out more a grimace of pain.

"...'cause...I...can...hold out...against...this...but..."

He had to stop, to cough, and it was awhile before he spoke again.

"...I can’t…can’t…see you...get hurt...so...please...just...just...let me do this..."

The others said things, but the door was unlocked, and voices sounded outside the door. 

“...let...me do this…”

Then the guards came in. 

* * *

Keith had managed to push himself up onto his knees, and he braced himself with his arms in front of him, because if he didn't, he'd fall right down onto the floor of his cell again, and face planting in front his tormentors would just give them another reason to mock him.

_Not going to happen, bastards._

Then his arms were pulled behind him, and one of the jackasses started punching him again. Face, head, torso, everywhere, and eventually, he screamed until he ran out of breath, and he kept screaming even after the guards left, just long enough so they heard him down the hall as they left the cell block.

Then he held it in with an effort of will. 

_Make them think you're in agony._

_Not hard to do if you are._

_But make them **believe** you can't think. _

_Make them **believe** you're totally lost and mad with fear. _

_It's more than half-true._

_Might as well make it your ally._

* * *

He managed to glance over at the others, to see if they were still okay.

At least for now, it seemed they were mostly unhurt.

Keith wasn't sure if he passed out or not after that, but when he remembered to listen again, someone was crying nearby.

 _Pidge_.

“-It’s not worth it, Keith, it’s not - it’s _not_ \- ”

He literally couldn’t answer her now, because his voice was gone, but he tried to all the same by opening his one good eye and looking over towards her.

 _\- yes, you_ **_are_ ** _, Katie, you_ **_are_ ** _worth it -_

But she was still crying, still sad.

“ - _nothing_ is worth this - “

At that, he felt - actually, it was a complicated feeling. It wasn't quite annoyance, but he wasn't angry at her. He just wished he could convince her that it _was_ okay.

_What he wouldn't **give** to be able to communicate telepathically. _

_Not that he would have much to say, but... he just wanted her to know what he was thinking._

* * *

_"Damn it, Katie, you're **not** \- a thing - you're my **friend** \- so **yes** \- you **are** worth it."_

No _thing_ could be worth this.

But some _one_  was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I basically write the same thing over and over...but honestly I'm okay with it. :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> foundwander95 asked: Hi! For the whump bingo, what about the one where they’re trying to be subtle while leaning against objects to stay upright with Keith and Lance and/or Rayzor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure thing! This was actually a ton of fun to write - enjoy! :-) 
> 
> (For those who haven’t read my ‘Lost Paladins’ series, Rayzor is an original character (and so is Aurelis) who both end up befriending the Paladins. I never meant to love either of them so much, but they took me be surprise - much like this ficlet. :-) Enjoy!)

 

* * *

“It would _seem_ ,” Aurelis said dryly, “that negotiations didn’t go very well.”

Rayzor glared over at him as a shot from a laser cannon missed him by inches.

“What could _possibly_ have given you that idea?” he asked, just before aiming his own laser gun and letting off a swift shot at the enemy. In the distance, a Galra droid fell off the edge of a cliff.

Over the whine and whir of the incoming artillery, Aurelis had to shout to make himself heard as as he readjusted his field goggles and shrugged exaggeratedly. “You _know_ I can _sense_ these things!”

Rayzor couldn’t hold back a laugh as he made a notch on the rifle’s stock.

“Right, okay - that’s nine down and about - um - hmm- ”

Aurelis raised a half-bandaged arm in mock defiance. “ _Never_ tell me the odds!”

Rayzor glared at him again. “How about _evens_? Can I tell you the _evens_?”

Aurelis pretended to think for a moment before replying. “Yes, that should be acceptable.”

Rayzor sniped another Galra droid and then glanced back towards his old friend. “Well - now it’s ten down and - a _lot_ more to go - ”

Just then, the familiar roar of incoming Lions sounded, and Aurelis visibly brightened.

“Ah, perfect timing,” he said, preparing to get to his feet. “The calvary has arri-”

Without ceremony, Rayzor placed one hand on his friend’s shoulder and shoved him back into a sitting position behind the rock before ducking out of sight himself.

“Do you _want_ to get sniped?!” he hissed. Aurelis folded his arms and glared back at (technically) more battle-experienced (though former) Captain of the Guard.

“A ‘snipe’ is the name of a bird,” he said, as if nothing had just happened. “Lance told me so.”

Rayzor rolled his eyes. “Well, Lance also told me he uses a sniper rifle, so unless he shoots down Galra drones with a feathered animal -”

Aurelis chuckled. “-which I would pay good money to see, by the way -”

Rayzor continued as if Aurelis hadn’t spoken. “-you should stay. _down_!”

Aurelis folded his arms again. “Says the sniper who-”

Rayzor was just about to roll his eyes again when something struck him hard in the shoulder, and the force of the impact was enough to send him staggering to one side.

At first, Rayzor only felt vaguely surprised, but then Aurelis was being all professional and healer-ish - which made sense, he was the best healer on their home planet - but then reality came rushing back to him. 

* * *

Aurelis was bandaging his shoulder, but Rayzor didn’t want his old friend to get killed just because he’d been dumb enough to get shot.

“Aurelis - stay down - they’ll get you too - ”

“We are _both_ out of sight, Rayzor, I’m not _completely_ stupid, you know - ”

Aurelis always got somewhat tetchy when he was - what had the humans called it - oh, yes - ‘stressed out’.

Rayzor knew it was concern born out of worry, so he decided it was best just to ‘humor the healer’.

“Why do humans say ‘right?’ when they understand something?” he asked, and was pleased to see that Aurelis looked a little less frantic as he answered.

“I have _no_ idea why they name a _direction_ to signify agreement, Rayzor - right - well - speaking of our allies - I think they’re coming for us - “

Rayzor was glad that was happening.

Blood loss wasn’t what he’d ever call a ‘fun’ experience.

Still, he tried to appear as uninjured as possible when the Red Lion landed in front of them.

It wouldn’t do to appear weak in front of -

But Aurelis, healer that he was, was talking animatedly to the Paladin that had just appeared, and was (rather pointedly, Rayzor noticed) ignoring Rayzor’s own assurances that he was ‘just temporarily inconvenienced’.

“Keith! Thank goodness you’re here - listen, we need to get back to the Castle as soon as - ”

Rayzor sighed and exchanged looks with the Red Paladin of Voltron, who was, in all likelihood, also somewhat immune to their healer friend’s tendency to put emphasis on any wound’s ‘blood loss’.

But Keith looked worried too, and he came over to help Aurelis get Rayzor into the Red Lion.

“Oh, _not_ you too,” Rayzor said, more grumpily than he’d intended. He felt annoyed now - because _Keith_ , of _all_ people, was the one who _always_ ended up in the med bay after almost every single incident.

Then Red himself was asking Rayzor if ‘everything was all right,’ and Rayzor decided it was better to just sit down and let Aurelis try to stop the bleeding.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he told Keith, attempting reassurance, but Keith only looked at him sidelong before racing back to the pilot’s chair, as if intent on getting them all back to the Castle in record time.

Rayzor felt frustrated, now, because everyone was worried, and they shouldn’t be, because he’d be fine. He was _fine_ , for heaven’s sake.

“Aurelis, stop acting like I’m just about to d-”

Aurelis glared right back at him, but to Rayzor’s surprise, the usual sarcastic annoyance wasn’t there. Instead - Aurelis looked - genuinely upset.

Oh.

Rayzor actually looked down at his shoulder wound then, and only then realized how close the shot had come to killing him.

 _Oh_.

* * *

He thought about trying to annoy Aurelis again, because that’s what the two of them did, they pretended to annoy the hell out of each other in life or death situations because that’s how they  made it through those kinds of things, but Rayzor didn’t think Aurelis would find it funny if he made a joke now.

“So - um - blood loss,” Rayzor said. “Strange, yes?”

Aurelis huffed. “Typically I would call it ‘very bad and perhaps deadly, but sure, why not, ‘strange’ also works - and also, you _will_ be fine, it looks worse than it is - this time - ”

From the pilot’s seat, Keith called back something.

“Hey! When we get back at the Castle - do you need me to tell Coran to prep a pod - or - ”

Rayzor snorted. “ **No** ,” he said, emphatically. “I do **not** need a healing pod, Keith.”

Keith looked back and made a disbelieving kind of sound.

“ _Sure_ you don’t - you’re just acting like it’s not a big deal because you don’t want anyone to worry - “

Rayzor sat up, almost indignantly. “I am not!”

From where he was wrapping bandages around his shoulder, Aurelis nodded. “Yes he is, Keith, go ahead and tell Coran we could use a healing pod.”

Rayzor decided that he would not dignify Keith’s theory with a response.

And anyway, it was….mostly true.

But in the end, he _was_ fine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional damage 
> 
> aka Haggar = Manipulative Genius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I sort of wrote this out...in November of last year...and figured 'sure, why not add this on as a bonus chapter in the Whump Bingo collection.

"Katie, it's okay," Keith said, and Hunk could see their friend was trying to keep his voice steady. "It's - it's okay - it's going - to be okay - "

But Katie was still kicking and screaming obscenities at the guards holding her back from the circle. 

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! KEITH! _KEITH_!" 

She only stopped screaming long enough to take another breath before shrieking more obscenities at impassive sentries still holding her in place. 

"YOU SONS OF BITCHES! YOU EVIL WANNA-BE-OVERLORDS! PUT!!! ME!!! _DOWN_!!"

Lance was shouting like Katie was, but Hunk could see his friend's eyes darting from one side of the room to the other, desperately trying to see an angle, a weakness, a way to escape that could get them out of here before the witch could try her spell.

Hunk gulped. 

Right. 

Her spell. 

Her quintessence-draining, turn-you-into-a-Robobeast spell.

* * *

 

The witch came forward, her eyes glinting beneath her hood. 

 _So,_ she purred _, the famous Paladins of Voltron._

She glanced from one to another, than fixed her eyes upon Keith.

 _You,_ she said, _are unique._

Keith met her gaze and bared his teeth.

"Do me a favor," he said. "Tell my foster parents that for me."

The witch looked slightly confused.

_...foster...what...?_

 " _Parents_ ," Keith spat. He was clearly trying to distract the witch from the others, try to keep her attention on him for as long as possible. "I guess they never got the memo on that one - but then, they did make it a point to tell me I was an annoying little jackass at every opportunity, so maybe that was their way of saying it -"

The witch had regained her composure. She began to walk around Keith in a circle, as if appraising him as he went on. 

"-oh, and the Blade of Marmorra is going to kick your purple-clad ass sometime this century so if I were you I'd look into retiring somewhere remote - like Hoth, maybe, or - "

The witch stopped in front of him again and was smiling. It was unnerving. 

Keith's voice died out. He swallowed, but before he could muster enough strength to speak again, the witch spoke. 

" _Fascinating_ ," she said. "You use your anger as a shield."

Keith bared his teeth at her in a snarl as she went on, as coolly as if she were stating facts from a book. 

* * *

 

"Your rage hides your pain, Paladin. Were you to let it falter, it would swallow you whole. You know this to be true." 

The Red Paladin had gone pale as a corpse. 

"Bull- _shit_ ," he spat, but it sounded...hollow. Like a suit of armor on the verge of breaking apart, worn and weathered past endurance.

The witch's smile widened, like a shark who had just smelled blood.

She went on, her words sharp and cold, like the frostbite of deepest winter that could freeze a person's lifeblood in their veins, killing them without ever shedding a drop of scarlet.

"Your rage conceals nothing but emptiness, Paladin. You fight a war you have no chance of winning. Your own mother rejected you before you could stand."

Then her voice cracked harsh and sharp, like a whip or a lash.

"What kind of horror did she see in you, to make her leave? A being whose very presence puts all those around them in danger? Your planet, your comrades, your mentor, it matters not. You drive them all away by simply _existing_."  

Keith's shoulders hunched at that, as if the witch had poured saltwater over cuts and burns only moments old.

The witch chuckled. 

"What was that old Earth saying...ah, yes. 'A face only a mother could love?'"

The witch's words were almost bored then, which somehow made what she said worse. 

"It seems your very nature defies even that universal law."

Keith didn't answer. His eyes were empty, staring down at the floor, and all at once, Pidge understood. 

She understood why Keith didn't say much about his life back on Earth, before Garrison.

She understood why he hardly ever cut his hair, why he trained relentlessly in the combat simulator, and, most of all, she understood why he'd hardly ever spoken to anyone other than Shiro.

 _He didn't want to see his reflection in mirrors_. 

It was an all too painful reminder that people in his life, more than once, had looked at him and decided that he wasn't worth enough to keep - he wasn't smart enough, strong enough, or brave enough to matter. Over and over again, he'd been neglected, abused, and blamed for anything that went wrong around him. Eventually, Keith had come to think of himself in that same way.

He had no home to go to. Living for him was mostly mechanics - eating, sleeping, fighting. Fighting was what he was used to, what he had been forced to become skilled in. In a harsh world, he'd survived, but something had been taken from him. 

 _He trained, he fought, he lived the way he did so that he could do something, anything worthwhile_.

He'd fight until his dying breath to protect those who needed protection, because he knew what it was like, to be defenseless against the dark, to cry for help that never came. He knew, because when he'd been small and scared and afraid, he'd learned what happened to those whose parents abandoned them, neglected them, ignored them.

The shadows got you. Even if you survived the encounter, the shadows would still follow you, relentless and as certain as the fact that day turns into dusk, and that the shadows would engulf you once again, leaving you defenseless and afraid.

But he'd be damned before giving up without a fight.

He'd learned to live alone, because it was better than the alternative. 

And then, when he'd finally made a friend - a good friend - one who cared about him - he'd lost him, and the world had become even darker. 

_He'd cared for Shiro, would have taken a bullet for him, but now Shiro was gone, too._

* * *

 

Haggar went in for the kill then, as effectively as if she were thrusting a sword into Keith's heart.

"You are unworthy, Paladin. Cast out. Rejected. Disowned and abandoned like an unwanted pet. You are nothing more than a mistake, a regret, an unwished for annoyance whose existence is a bane to all around him."

Keith didn't say anything at that, but Hunk saw the way his face twisted in an expression of despair, and pain, and...and self-hatred. 

_Oh, God._

Keith _hated_ himself. 

At some point in his life, he'd come to believe that he shouldn't exist, that he somehow didn't deserve to breathe.

The witch was pouring oil onto fire, and she knew it. 

She knew it, and she enjoyed watching Keith break under the weight of her words. 

 _No, that's not true!_ Hunk wanted to shout _. None of that is true, Keith!_ ** _We_** _want you! You're not replaceable! No one could replace you! Please, Keith, listen to us, she's lying!_ _She's lying!!_ _SHE'S LYING!!_

* * *

 

"Poor little thing," she said again, her tone false and mocking. "Abandoned, worthless, unworthy of the slightest attention."

Keith's posture had changed, becoming less defiant. He seemed bowed down, as if the witch's words were weights on his spirit, stifling the fire that burned within him.

The witch smiled at that sight, and was about to turn away, but then Keith rallied. He snarled something under his breath that made her look back at him.

"What was that?"

It was then that Lance saw Keith had raised his head and was glaring daggers back at the witch, and though his friend wasn't by any means unaffected by the witch's words, the Red Paladin of Voltron was clearly still as stubborn as ever.

"I _said_ ," he repeated, "at least - I'm _not_ -  _your_ kid."

Pidge wasn't sure if her friend had lost his mind or was actually _trying_ to fulfill a death-wish, but she knew one thing for damn certain.

Whenever they got back to Earth - and they were **all** getting back to Earth - she was hauling Keith to the next Holt family dinner come Hell or high water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who decided to post two 'bonus' chapters of you-didn't-ask-for-it-but-here-it-is-anyway whump. 
> 
> Yeah. 
> 
> There's another angsty, h/c, (but mostly whump) chapter/sort of a full fic? in this collection I'm going to post tonight.
> 
> aka sorry, Keith.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I've said I basically write the same thing over and over - but I /literally/ do. 
> 
> Though to be honest I think the idea for this particular whump ficlet came from reading Haleykim84's absolutely amazing fic 'In the Hands of Hatred'. If you haven't read it, I highly, highly recommend it. :-)

Keith chanced a quick glance to his right, and then to his left. 

Lance and Hunk were on his right, and Pidge was on his left. They were only just coming back to consciousness, but Pidge still lay limp and motionless on the floor, just out of his reach. He’d tried whispering her name a few times, but she hadn’t answered him.

_Right. First things first. If he could reach her, he could check her pulse, see if her breathing was steady._

He tried to readjust his position, but it was pointless. 

_Well, it looked like he was going to stay kneeling like this, then._

He fidgeted restlessly with the cuffs holding his wrists behind his back, but those were secured tightly as well.

_Dammit._

A huge clawed hand slammed into the wall right next to his head, and Keith instinctively flinched away from the loud noise. Then someone close to his face let out a harsh laugh, and another fist slammed into the wall on the other side of his head.

Keith tried not to flinch a second time. He kept his eyes fixed on the floor, trying to regulate his breathing, wishing he could keep his heart from speeding up. 

_Danger, danger, danger, bad bad bad, they’re looking at you, they’re looking at you now -_

A harsh voice, one that grated and caused the hairs on the back of Keith’s neck to rise up in fear.

“Are you trying to _escape_ , Paladin?”

Keith didn’t look up, but he shook his head.

There was a snarl at that. 

“Answer me, _boy_.”

As one fist came away from the wall, Keith tried not to let his voice quaver, tried to appear calm and composed and controlled, like Kolivan had told him to do, like Shiro would do if he were in this situation.

He answered, keeping his voice pitched low.

“No.”

Huge, clawed, purple fingers grabbed hold of his chin, forced him to look up at the sneering guard. The lazy power in that movement was almost as frightening as the expression on the guard’s face.

_Purple skin, yellow eyes, sharp fangs, an ugly sneer -_

“What was that, _Paladin_?”

As he spoke, the guard’s grip went tighter, pulling Keith’s face forwards until the Red Paladin was forced to kneel fully upright. His injured leg ached, sweat ran down his back, and he swallowed twice before answering.

“N-no - I’m - I’m not - t-trying - to escape.”

The guard let out another grunt, just as one of the others came into the cell. 

“Did you hear?” he said, and something in the tone made Keith’s stomach lurch in trepidation. “One of these four Paladins is a half-breed - and a _Blade_.”

The guard gripping Keith’s face turned back towards the other Paladins, his face twisting into an even uglier expression of hatred as his eyes flicked up and down the line of prisoners.

“ _Really_?” he asked his comrade. “Which one is i-”

“It’s me,” Keith said, before any of the others could. “I - I’m-”

The tension in the room immediately spiked, and Keith tried to remain still, to stay calm, but he couldn’t keep his heart rate from rising, couldn’t keep his muscles from beginning to tremble.

The sharp claw tips dug deeper into his skin, and he winced, because it hurt, and he tried not to show his fear, but then the one gripping him by the face spoke.

“Let me see your teeth.”

Fingers poked at his face, harsh and cruel, and Keith automatically clenched his jaws tight shut and tried to turn his head away, but the grip around his face tightened, pulling his chin up again, and the voice went cold and harsh. 

“ _Now_. Or I’ll start the inquiries by taking the Blue Paladin to the Druids.”

Keith’s heart almost stopped in fear, and he chanced a quick look back up at the guard who had spoken.

It was no idle threat.

He’d meant it.

Keith couldn’t keep from trying to look over towards Lance then, but the grip on his chin only went tighter, and he had to swallow back a sound of discomfort.

From somewhere nearby, the Blue Paladin said something acerbic in Spanish, but his voice was shaking, and the quavering attempt at nonchalance only made the guards laugh. 

_No, Lance, stop, don’t say anything else, please, they’ll hurt you -_

Keith swallowed again as he looked down at the floor, and then, steeling himself for what would follow, he took in a deep breath and exhaled it out through his mouth.

He tried not to focus on what was happening, but already clawed hands were _forcing_ his jaws further apart, and then fingers were poking at his front canines. He hissed out a harsh breath and tried to recoil from them automatically, but the grip on his face didn’t lessen at all. Instead, another clawed hand gripped Keith’s hair, pulling his head up and to one side, so his throat was completely exposed as well. The _only_ good thing was that from here, Keith could see Pidge stirring, so he knew she was alive.

His relief didn’t last long. 

Once the smallest Paladin realized what was going on, she tried to sit up, but he shot her a look that said ‘Pidge, _please_ , stay _out_ of this,’ and she subsided with a glare that might have killed a lesser man.

Oh, he was definitely going to hear about _that_ on the Castleship later.

_If…there was…a later…_

Even as that thought crossed his mind, the soldier forced his head to move again, and it hurt enough where Keith almost tried to pull away, but to do so would make the guards think he was lying, or a coward, so he stayed as he was, still and silent, despite the anger burning in his chest, because this was the only way he could help his friends right now - keep the guard’s attention, draw it away from the others.

“No obvious signs of Galra lineage,” one of the sentries said. “Maybe he was lying.”

Inside Keith’s chest, his heart pounded and leapt in fear. He didn’t dare try to say anything, in case they took it as a sign of resistance, but he did raise his eyes to look up and stare evenly at the guard who had spoken. 

Then more claws raked across his skin, and a light was brought right next to his face, shone straight into his eyes. Under _any_ other circumstances, Keith would have growled or even bitten at the guards, but the other Paladins were in danger if he didn’t comply, so he tried to keep his breathing even, steady, controlled. 

_Calm. Remain calm. Don’t give them a reason to hurt the others._

“Look there!”

“His irises -”

“Half-blood, for certain -”

“-well, at least part-Galra - can’t say for certain if he’s _half_ -”

“He’s a small one,” the first guard said. “I can’t see how the Blade ever thought he could accomplish anything in their ranks.”

Keith felt the rage build inside him, but he told himself that this was not the time to take action. He wished he could twist his shoulders, pull his face away from the grips holding him, but the chains around his wrists were already strained and stretched as far as they would go, and it didn’t seem like these guards were going to stop examining his eyes or his teeth any time soon. 

_It’s okay. It’s not great, but it’s okay. I can make it through this. I can do this._

Keith knew he had to stay quiet, he had to keep still, but he _wished_ he could wrench away from these hands, get _away_ from these voices and bright lights, but now _more_ hands were pushing him around, like they wanted to test his strength, and he didn’t like it, it was too much, it felt like they were examining him as if he were a dog at a show, and he had to clench his hands into fists to keep himself from lashing out at them.

_Stay calm, stay calm, it’s all right, I can get through this, it won’t be much longer now._

_Finally_ the hands touching him withdrew, and Keith was able to close his mouth again and swallow, and he tried not to show how tense he still was, because all of the guards were still standing _far_ too close to him for comfort.

“Maybe he was just the bait for traps,” one of them said. The other guards laughed, and Keith had to swallow back a retort, because saying anything was only going to make this worse, but he never had been very good at concealing what he was feeling, and some of it must have been conveyed through his eyes when he looked back up at them, because the guy with the commander’s insignia on his sleeve stepped forwards and struck Keith across the face.

“Don’t look at us like _that_ , you scum,” he said, and so Keith forced himself to look down at the floor, and to close his eyes, because if it seemed he was fighting back, the guards might hurt the other Paladins, and that wasn’t what Keith wanted, not at all, never, _never_.

“S-sorry,” he rasped, but it didn’t seem the commander accepted apologies, because he struck Keith again, this time on the other side of his face.

“Don’t speak unless you are spoken to,” another guard snarled, and Keith tried to make his vision stop blurring by blinking once or twice, wishing his eyes would stop tearing up, because it would make him appear weak to the Galra, and he had to be strong now, he had to be strong and endure this because if he didn’t, the guards would hurt the others, and Keith didn’t want that, he _didn’t_.

 _I can do this, I make it through this, I’ve been through worse_ -

Someone kicked him in the small of his back, and he fell forwards with a surprised grunt that turned into a gasp of pain as his wrist restraints halted his progress. His shoulders and back bore his entire weight, and it hurt more than he would have thought possible. 

But before he could try to bring his knees under him to regain some semblance of balance, the guards were on him.

The next few moments blurred together, but Keith was just aware enough to feel getting struck across the face a few more times, and then getting kicked in the stomach, and _then_ throwing up until there wasn’t anything left to throw up.

_Egh, that was disgusting._

Thankfully most of the other details…just sort of blurred together. Dim shapes, half-heard words as the blows fell.

\- blood traitor - rebel scum - worthless half-breed -

 _Yeah, sure, yep, whatever, you_ **_jackasses._**

* * *

_He hates this, he hates not fighting back, but he has to appear docile, or else the others will get hurt, and he doesn’t want that to happen, never. He can handle this._

_He's done it before, he can do it again._

Snarls, curses, more kicking.

 _Broken rib, maybe more than one, oh, shit, oh, god, it hurts, it_ **_really_ ** _hurts -_

“Leave him _alone_!” someone nearby screams. He’s not sure who, maybe it was just his imagination, because his mind is disconnecting from his body. There’s too much going on, it hurts too much and it's all he can do not to let them see how much this is hurting him.

What seems an endless time later, two of the guards grip him by the shoulders, and within seconds they’ve uncuffed his wrists from the wall and dragged him away from the other Paladins.

As the guards drag him across the floor, Keith manages to glance back over his shoulder to where Katie, Lance, and Hunk are, and he’s relived to see that there’s only one guard standing next to them now. 

_Okay, that’s good, that means most of the enemy’s attention is fixed on him - so maybe the others will be okay -_

One of the guards sees Keith looking back at his friends and laughs at him.

“Worry about yourself _, half-breed_ ,” he sneers, reaching up with his free hand and gripping a handful of Keith’s hair, forcing the Red Paladin to turn his head so he can see what awaits him on the other side of the room. 

When they get there, the guards shove him down onto his knees, and Keith ends up facing the others across what seems an insurmountable distance as the guards cuff his wrists to two pillars near the back of the room.

_Oh, hell._

Keith can’t help but look back towards his friends, and hopes that maybe they won’t think less of him when he starts screaming, because he’s seen enough movies to figure out what’s going to happen next.

_Given the situation, it’s only a matter of time before this starts to get ugly._

Keith tries to gather himself before it begins, but he has no time before a tearing, searing pain burns a line across his back and shoulders, and a hum of electricity reaches his ears barely a second later.

He clenches his fists, but he doesn’t cry out. Not yet. Instead, he closes his eyes and tries to keep his breathing even, steady, as calm as possible, but his heart is pounding inside his chest and the pain is _awful_ , lingering in his muscles long after the initial shock of the blow wears off.

Pidge is shouting something to him, but Keith can’t hear her. 

 _It’s not like he’s trying to tune her voice out, it’s just his ears feel as if they’ve been muffled, like someone’s covered them up so all sound is muted._  

He _wants_ to keep looking at her, at his friends, but he’s _scared_ , and he can’t show them that he’s scared, because if he does, it’ll only make it harder on the other Paladins.

_Maybe if he doesn’t look back at his friends, they won’t know how scared he is - he wants to keep them from seeing that for as long as possible -_

It goes against _every_ instinct he has, but Keith grinds his teeth together and looks down at the floor in front of his knees, so that he can try and prevent his friends from seeing just how much pain he’s already in from that first lash of the whip.

 _He hurts, he hurts all over, and he knows it’s only going to get harder to hide the pain, but he_ **_has_ ** _to project strength, he_ **_has_ ** _to project calm, because otherwise his friends might react, and these jackasses will turn their attention towards his friends, and that_ **_isn’t_ ** _an acceptable outcome._

He tries to concentrate on what Coran had told him just before the comms went out.

 _Survive. At all costs,_ **_survive._**

Keith does his best to keep any expression from crossing his face, even though there’s blood starting to run down his back, even though the wound aches and burns, and even though he already feels dizzy and sick from the pain of this single strike of the whip.

_Footsteps, circling around behind him._

Keith doesn’t hear the sounds so much as he _feels_ the separate impacts through the stone floor, but he knows this isn’t going to go well for him as claws, long and sharp and strong, grip his chin and lift his head again so that he’s looking up at the Galra commander.

_I survived the Trials, I can survive this too, I just have to keep breathing - that’s all I have to do -_

A voice - harsh, cold, contemptuous. The commander, asking if he will serve the Galra Empire.

Keith barely holds back the growled insults he wants to give in reply. If he’d been alone, he would have fought back tooth and nail and even now, he would have fired off every smart-ass response he could think of. 

 _But his team is here with him, and he won’t put them in any more danger. He_ **_won’t._**

So instead, he only shakes his head from side to side in answer. 

‘ _No_.’

A snarl of rage, followed by a sudden tearing, ripping pain that flashes across his collarbone and right shoulder so quickly that Keith can’t help but cry out in pain again as the Galra commander steps away from him, an ugly smile on his face. The tips of the claws on one hand are now shining with a red tint as they come closer to his face and then -

Keith only realizes the commander struck him across the face with enough force to make him fall when he’s already hanging from the wrist restraints like a broken doll.

 _From across the room, he thinks he hears Lance start to swear, but he’s not sure if he is imagining it or not, because the room is tilted to one side and everything just keeps_ **_spinning._**

If his wrists weren’t tied to the pillars, Keith knows he would have fallen onto the ground. As it is, his arms and back take his full weight yet again, and his already tense muscles scream in agonized protest.

 _Stars, that_ ** _hurts_** _-_  

With a great effort, Keith levers himself back into a semi-upright kneeling position just as another tearing, searing pain burns into his skin, this time arching down his left side and curling around over his abdomen, and this time, it’s so much _worse_.

 _Oh, god, oh, shit, it hurts and it just keeps_ **_hurting_ ,** _it’s like being electrocuted but worse, it’s so much worse, because when the whip hits his skin, the pain builds upon what’s already there, and it’s already so much more than he can endure in silence -_

Keith tries and fails to hold back another short, gasping cry of pain and wishes that he _wasn’t_ trembling with fear, or that at least he could _make_ his mind leave until its all over, but there’s no chance of that, otherwise he’d just do it, and be done.

 _Every nerve ending in his body is on_ **_fire._**

After the third strike, the pain continues to pulse through Keith’s body, making his muscles spasm time and time again, in ever-increasing waves of agony.

_The pain is horrible._

The lash strikes again, and with an effort, Keith grinds his teeth tight shut once more and just barely manages to half-swallow another scream of pain.

 _Stop thinking about the pain, it’s fine, it’s_ **_fine_ ,** _I’ve been through worse, I can do this, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s-_

But over time, it all bleeds together, and he loses count of how many times the whip has struck him. He tries to keep his head down, tries to stay as still as he can, but it’s getting more and more difficult. His bad leg is beginning to cramp, and if it were possible he would have fallen back down onto the ground by now.

 _He wants to lie down, he wants to rest, he wants this to be over but it’s_ **_never_ ** _going to end-_

The commander says nothing, just smiles, smiles, smiles down at him as the whip continues to strike. 

It’s the loudest sound in the entire room until Keith finally starts to scream.

_He can’t stop screaming._

* * *

Eventually, Keith’s voice cracks and fails.

He’s almost glad when it does, because at first, he thought the Galra might ask him questions, and he would break and tell them _anything_ , just to make the pain cease for a moment, but they don’t even ask him anything. 

They don’t even try to find out where the Castle is.

They just want to hear him scream, and when he’s not able to do that anymore, they just…keep hurting him.

_Apparently that’s what it’s all about - hurting him, making him scream and cry. It’s a test, to see how long he can survive this._

_But he doesn’t know if he can, he doesn’t know,_ **_he doesn’t know_ ** _and no one will tell him because he’s a hybrid, he’s an insult to their race and they want him to suffer as much as possible before he dies…_

Pain, fear, blood, tears, screams.

It just goes on, and on, and on.

* * *

The next time Keith remembers to check in, his wrists are tied together in front of him to a single post on the far side of the room. He’s still on his knees, and he’s clutching onto the post as if he’s drowning and it’s a life raft, and he can’t see out of one eye.

_What’s going on?_

_Is it over?_

He thinks about trying to adjust his position, but he’s not even sure if he has both eyes anymore, and his body _hurts_. It hurts, it hurts, it _hurts_ , and he tries not to start crying again, tries to keep from making any sound, but it’s hard not to because the pain is all he can think about.

Voices nearby, ones he dimly recognizes, but these are voices he knows he doesn’t like. They’re not safe voices, not good, not kind, and _definitely_ not the ones he wants to hear. He can only barely make out the words.

_Something about…a…bet…?_

“- _Stars_ , this one’s hard to kill-”

But then he hears other voices, different voices, ones that remind him of warmth, of home, of safety, but they don’t sound…right…something…something isn’t…right… but he still can’t remember what’s wrong until the bad voices come closer, laughing, saying something -

_\- half-breed - mutt - diseased -_

Then the toe of a boot catches him hard in the abdomen, and Keith folds around it, retching miserably. If there were anything left in his stomach, he would have thrown it up right then. 

A snort of disgust, followed by another kick, this one to the small of his back. 

Keith wishes he could do something, fight back, _bite_ , _anything_ , but he can’t. His entire body aches and burns and throbs and it’s too much, it’s too much and when he tries to catch his breath the muscles pull and wrench in spasms and _he can’t move_ as fire sears through his veins. 

That’s why he blacked out.

It hurt too much to stay awake.

He can only hope he passes out again before it gets worse.

But he doesn’t.

Above his head, someone hisses in disgust as they hit him again, and Keith can’t help trying to avoid the blows, but the sentries hit him unevenly, without a predicable rhythm or timing to the beating.

It’s part of the torture, because he can’t prepare himself for the pain this way, he can’t do anything except wait for the inevitable pain they cause him and try to endure it, again, and again, and again.

Although Keith still can’t see out of one eye, some of his hearing has returned. Somewhere nearby, Lance is still swearing in Spanish, Hunk sounds like he’s throwing up, and Katie’s cursing and threatening the guards with death and dismemberment once she gets free.

He wants to look over at them, wants to see if they’re okay, but he’s too scared about what the Galra might do if he tries.

_What if they take his other eye? Would they do that? Haggar might want it, or the commander might just take it for fun -_

Keith doesn’t want that to happen, he just wants the guards to stop hurting him, but they just go on kicking him like he’s some kind of diseased animal, and he’s tired and afraid and he just wants to go _home._

_He can still hear his friends, but they may as well be a million lightyears away. They can’t help him, and he can’t help them. In the end, that’s what hurts the most._

Keith tries and fails to swallow back tears, but he’ll be damned if he lets the guards see him crying now, so he grinds his teeth together and keeps his face pressed against the side of the pillar in a last ditch effort to hide his face from his friends.

He knows they’re scared for him, and that seeing him in this much pain is a uniquely cruel method of torture the Galra are using against the rest of the Paladins, but he can’t hide how much it hurts anymore, or how scared he is, or how badly he just wants it all to _stop_.

* * *

An eternity later, the soldiers stop kicking him, and someone loosens the ropes holding his wrists to the post. Keith wishes he could stay upright, but he can’t even manage to control his fall. He just hits the ground and when he does, he tries to hide his head in his arms. Even though he knows he should at least try and look brave for his friends, he _can’t_.

_He can’t, he can’t be brave anymore, it’s too much, he just can’t do it -_

He’s covered in blood and worse. Every muscle in his body aches and throbs with pain. He can’t even see his teammates on the other side of the room because his one good eye is filled with tears.

Laughter, jeers, and then claw-tipped hands grip him by the hair and shoulders and _pull_ , _hard_ , yanking him up onto his knees, forcing him to face the ceiling. 

_Keith doesn’t want them to touch him, he doesn’t want anyone to touch him, ever again -_

The harsh lights spear into his eyes, and then Keith sees the device the commander is holding, and he whimpers and tries to get away, but the guards holding him in place are too strong. His voice is barely more than a whisper, but he tries to ask them to stop, all the same.

 _He hates himself for saying it, because he knows they won’t listen, but it hurts, it hurts, and he just wants the pain to stop, please,_ **_please_ ** _-_

He’s begging them not to do this - but none of the guards listen - and even as Keith tries to avoid it, the muzzle is forced over the lower half of his face, and then the cords are quickly knotted and tied and buckled into place behind his head. 

When he tries to loosen the muzzle by shaking his head, one of the guards roars with laughter somewhere nearby, and it makes him go red with shame. 

 _I’m_ **_not_ ** _…an animal…I’m…I’m a_ **_person_** _…_

From across the room, Pidge is telling him something, and even though it’s still hard to hear her voice, he can see her lips forming words.

_You got this. You can do this._

Keith doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that. 

 _What, is he some kind of_ **_hero_ ** _now?_

More tears prick at his eyes, and he can’t keep them from sliding down his face. The pain, the humiliation, it’s all just too much. He can’t speak, but he’s able to make eye contact with her for just a second.

 _It_ **_hurts_ ,** _Katie._

She bites her lip and tears come to her own eyes.

Then the guards are forcing his right arm out and to the side, and then there’s a smell of burning, an awful, scorching agony on his right forearm that makes him scream and thrash, but the sound is muted and weak, and it only makes the commander sneer in triumph.

“Not so brave now, are you?” he jeers. 

Keith doesn’t answer. He can’t even look up at his tormentors anymore. His entire body hurts more than he ever thought possible, he’s dizzy and sick with shame, and he can do nothing except keep his eyes shut and hope the guards leave soon, so he can finally fall to the ground and just stay there and try to fall unconscious again.

Once the guards cuff Keith’s wrists together behind his back again, they drag him along the floor, towards the far wall where the other Paladins are.

They aren’t particularly careful as they move him, and it’s all Keith can do to keep from screaming again because his back _hurts_ , it hurts even _worse_ than before, but he knows that if he shows it hurts, it’ll only make the situation worse. 

So, despite the pain, he does his best not to scream, or whimper, or make any other kind of noise as the guards toss him against the wall, alongside the other Paladins. Then they leave, locking the door behind them.

* * *

Even then, Keith does his best to remain still, but even as the door closes, the last of his strength leaves him, and he can’t hold himself upright anymore. 

He sags forwards, but it only makes the pain in his stomach worse, and the very thought of trying to sit up and put his back to the wall is enough to make him whimper in half-dazed dread.

_No - he already -  hurts enough - but he can’t stay like this - but he can’t - lie down - either -_

Then someone is near him, telling him he can lean against them, so that he can rest, and Keith finally just lets himself fall against that person’s shoulder without any further thought or hesitation.

 _Voices, saying his name, and he wishes he could answer them, but he can’t, he_ **_can’t_ ** _, the muzzle won’t let him -_

But they’re not asking him to answer, they’re telling him it’s okay, and…

Keith doesn’t hear much after that, but he knows it’s not okay, it’s not, because it hurts - it hurts so much - 

_He’s in so much pain, he almost wishes he were dead._

Bile rises in his throat and he tries not to vomit again, because if he does, with this muzzle on, he might drown in - in his own -

He feels even sicker at the thought, but he’s scared, and in pain, and now his chest hurts because he can’t get enough air, and he starts to cry silently because it hurts, it _hurts_ and he can’t get away from it, no matter what he tries to do, he can’t escape the pain.

* * *

As the door closes, Keith sags forwards and lets out a weak moan that Lance hopes he will _never_ hear again.

Keith _isn’t_ supposed to _sound_ like this.

Lance blinks back tears as quickly as he can, then does his best to help keep Keith balanced, to help keep his injured friend sitting as upright as possible. Hunk is supporting Keith’s other side, and Pidge, the one farthest away from them all, is trying to talk to Keith, to reassure him, or at the very least to let him know they’re there for him.

After a time, Keith’s bloodshot purple eyes slit half-way open, but the Red Paladin doesn’t seem to fully register where he is anymore. His gaze wanders from face to face, and then slides to the floor, and Lance feels his heart twist and tear as the light in Keith’s one good eye remains so…dim. 

Keith _isn’t_ supposed to look like _this_.

* * *

Lance tries to help Keith know he’s among friends. 

“Hey, man,” he says. “…uh…how are you feeling?”

It’s lame, but it’s all he can think of.

Keith doesn’t answer at first. He just closes his eye again and sags against Hunk again, who exchanges worried looks with Pidge. 

Lance tries again, speaking a little louder this time. “Keith - hey - mullet-head - come on - please - can you look at me, buddy? Just for a second? Please?”

It takes Keith a little longer than it normally would, but eventually he does look back towards Lance, and when he does, Lance can’t keep from beginning to cry, because kind, brave, caring Keith can’t see out of one eye, and the other one is bloodshot and afraid.

 _Keith_ is _afraid_.

“Hey, buddy,” Lance says, doing his best not to start sobbing non-stop like a little kid, “Hey, it’s good to see you awake, man, right, Hunk?”

From Keith’s other side, Hunk takes a second to respond. “Y-yeah, it is,” he manages, and Lance can tell Hunk’s been crying too. “We’re right here, Keith, so you just - try to rest, okay?”

It costs Keith to move his head, but he does, and when he looks at Hunk, the Yellow Paladin is sure if Keith understands Hunk’s words. 

There’s a muffled grunt from behind the muzzle, and at the sound, Lance can’t keep his own tears from falling, because for just a second, it looked like Keith had forgotten that awful thing was on his face, but now Keith’s eyes have gone wide in panic and his shoulders have tightened with fear.

He tries to answer them again, a few times, but as Keith realizes he _truly_ _cannot_ _speak_ , his breaths come more quickly and he -

Before Lance can do or say anything, Keith’s slammed the back of his head against the cell wall in an effort to loosen the hideous thing that’s been buckled over his face. In doing so, he overbalances, and even though Hunk and Lance both try to help him stay upright, Keith’s back slams against the wall, and _that_ causes Keith to spasm again in pain, and he loses his balance completely, crashing down onto the floor, directly onto his lacerated back.

Lance hopes to whatever deity exists that Keith is too out of it right now to feel the pain. 

But the Red Paladin _does_ feel it, because he lets out another muffled cry, and it's only one of the many that will haunt Lance’s nightmares for the rest of his life.

* * *

Pidge swears in anger when Keith falls onto the ground, but she’s not angry at Hunk and Lance.

She’s furious at the Galra soldiers, for doing this to her friend, for hurting him enough to make him scream like that.

He’s clearly in awful pain, so Pidge doesn’t waste any time in taking action. She scoots over as close as she can, getting close enough so that she can lean over as best she can to be in his line of vision. 

It’s tricky, because he’s not staying still. His entire body is jerking and shuddering, his muscles spasming without any predictable pattern, and even though she’s not sure if he can hear her, she tries to tell him that’s its going to be okay.

Eventually, the spasms become twitches, but his body still jerks and shudders as he strains for air through the muzzle, and now tears are flowing down his face, over the leather straps and down his chin, sliding along his neck and dripping down onto the floor by her knees, and this is the moment when Pidge realizes that the Galra _made_ him cry like this ** _on purpose._**

Those _bastards_.

Pidge didn’t know much about Keith’s life before Garrison, but from what she’d observed, the Red Paladin’s rough exterior hid a caring heart and a fierce loyalty for his friends. 

And the Galra had made her friend _cry_. 

But not only that.

They’d hurt him, over and over again, and he’d _still_ tried to keep the other Paladins from seeing just how much pain he was in for as long as he could, but even so, the Galra had gone on hurting him until he screamed without pause, and after his voice was cracked and broken - after he _begged_ them to stop hurting him - they - muzzled him - like a -

_Like a misbehaving animal, coercing him into silent obedience._

The implications were crystal clear.

They thought of him as a piece of property, something to be controlled and forced into line, by _any_ means necessary, and they didn’t care what needed to be done, as long as it ended with Keith silent and - broken and - and - _manageable_ -

Pidge started crying too, then, out of anger and fear and a terrible, wrenching sadness at how anyone could treat her friend like this.

Keith was stubborn, and smart, and loyal, and he was so much _more_ than property. He was _Keith_. He was her _friend_ , and Keith had _never_ cried like this before in front of her, or in front of _anyone_ until now.

Throughout everything, even when he was being tortured, Keith had tried to protect his friends from seeing how much pain he was in, and now, he wasn’t even able to breathe properly, or _speak,_ and his blood was staining the ground beneath her knees.

He was the kindest, bravest, strongest person she had ever met, and those Galra bastards had _made. him. cry_.

She was going to _kill_ them.

“Keith, it’s okay,” she says, and inwardly she promises swift death and destruction to the jackasses that did this to her friend. “Keith, just relax. We’re here. It’s going to be okay.”

He looked back up at her, and she saw that although he wanted to believe her, he just…couldn’t. 

He was just in too much pain.

* * *

Lance and Hunk were near her now as well, as near as they could get, but none of them could actually reach Keith. The most they could do was sit like this, in a crowded semi-circle around him, and try to let him know that they were here for him.

But then the three of them saw that Keith’s face was burning red with shame behind the muzzle, and then he dropped his eyes, as if ashamed to even look back at them, like the muzzle was some mark of dishonor and -

Before she knew it, Pidge was telling Keith just how special she thought he was, and how brave, how kind, how loyal, how strong, and that anyone who said he was worthless was lying, lying like a snake in the grass, and -

It must have been only a few ticks later that she realized Keith was staring up at her with wide eyes that looked so _young_. 

_Had no one ever told him that before?_

Had - had _she_ not told him that before?

Pidge swallowed, but kept talking even as her own tears dripped off her face and fell onto his, but damn it all, it didn’t matter if the Galra said her friend was worthless or anything else, because _it wasn’t true, it wasn’t true at all_ \- because Keith was - so many things - and she wanted him to know how much she cared for him, and how much he meant to all three of them.


End file.
